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Saturday, March 11, 2006

Back hair: a fairy tale

Today The Bargain Queen wants to tell you a fairy tale, that happened a long time ago, in the land of Far Faraway.

Once upon a time there was a princess, who we'll call The Discount Princess. She was a fair and lovely princess, who liked shoes, bags, clothes and doing nice things for others - in that order.

One night, the princess went out to a dance at a sleazy nightclub. The princess was accustomed to trading in princes when they became tiresome, so she enjoyed occasionally visiting a place with so many 'princes' on offer. While she was there, she danced with an exeptionally dashing prince who, at the end of the night, asked the princess to email him. We shall call this fellow the Cheap Prince.

After many dates, The Discount Princess was getting along exceptionally well with The Cheap Prince. They progressed to a stage of courtship where clothing was removed, at which point the prince's dark secret was revealed... BACK HAIR!!?!!

The Princess was dismayed. This Prince was otherwise extremely desirable. He was tall, handsome, charming, attentive, intelligent, buff, funny and successful enough to keep the princess in Marc Jacobs shoes, so long as they're purchased on sale. But on the other hand, BACK HAIR!!?!! While the princess has no problem being vain (designers can be like that), perhaps it might be indecorous to abandon a prince due to only one flaw?

To win the heart of the Princess, The Cheap Prince tried to rid himself of this dreadful affliction. He went to a terrifying dungeon in the Waxing Salon, and for the princely sum of $65 had all offending hair torn from his back. But in making a deal with the devil, he had not checked the price, and came away with bacne (back acne, ew!) where once there was only hair.

The Prince immediately resumed his quest for smooth-backed glory, and after considerable seraching and toil, a solution was eventually found.

The Princess decided that actually werewolf-iness can be kind of attractive if you look at it that way (don't tell anyone), but ordered the Prince that he keep a well-tended lawn rather than an overgrown forest. For less than the price of a single waxing, a pair of hair clippers ($30) were purchased. The Princess went to work and sculpted neat topiary where once wild forest had been, and they both lived happily ever after.

And so a great lesson was learnt by all the land. Sometimes one's imperfections, with a little polishing, can become a feature with which one can happily live.

The End

The fine print: Any resemblance to actual people, like say The Bargain Queen and Mr Bargain Queen, is purely coincidental. This story is a work of fiction people, fiction, really!
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