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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Breast enlargement: save your money!

Every few months, The Bargain Queen sees a magazine article about how great breast enlargement is. The Bargain Queen just isn't convinced. For a start, it's surgery, which means painful and risky. Then there's the high chance of needing further surgery to fix them up later. But mostly, why is any particular breast size better than any other?

In her adult life, The Bargain Queen has naturally varied from a AA cup to a D cup, and knows from experience having bigger breasts is no better than having small ones. Big boobs jiggle painfully at the least provocation, like running to catch a bus. They make it impossible to sleep on your tummy. They strain shirt buttons in a way that turns a mousy librarian look into 'porn movie librarian', with all the attendant connotations. And they're hard to dress because so few designers cut their clothes to accomodate real curves. They're definitely not all bad, but on balance it doesn't seem worth having expensive, painful surgery with lots of possible complications just to get bigger breasts.

Of course, small boobs aren't always brilliant either. The Bargain Queen remembers feeling distinctly un-feminine sometimes, simply because she didn't have cleavage to show off. And boy, does a great rack make a difference sometimes! But the glorious thing about small breasts, is they can be enhanced in ways that are cheap, safe, pain-free. For example:
  • Exercises that improve posture and tone the pectoral muscles can give a much perkier, larger-looking bust. Prevention magazine has three whole articles on bust-improving exercises, all available for free online.
  • The right bra will also make a huge difference. The French are especially good at designing ones that turn small breasts into stunning decolletage. The Bargain Queen used to buy a lot of Simone Perele and La Perla at David Jones sales when she was a couple of sizes smaller.
  • Chicken fillets (pouches filled with silicone that tuck into your bra to give some added volume) are supposed to be excellent. The Bargain Queen hasn't tried them personally, but has heard enough rave reviews to pass on the recommedation.
  • Picking flattering outfits also make a huge difference. More on this later.
If you're still not convinced, this Choice article on breast implants in Australia is pretty scary. Or just look at the picture of Pammie above... wouldn't she look amazing if it weren't for those comical balloons out the front?

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